Sunday, November 27, 2005

WoW is eating my Husband

My DH is addicted to World of Warcraft. It's a sad story, really. I begged him to buy me the game for Christmas last year, then while I was away for a weekend, he started playing my character. I came home to a hooked Hubby. We shared a character until we hit the level cap, then I asked him if we could get a second account. He agreed, as long as *I* started over again on the new account. A few short weeks after I finally hit the level cap, my classes started again. DH decided I was far too addicted to be able to handle University and Wow. He was absolutely right - this Blog is called Current Fixation for a reason - I become easily fixated on things to the point of obsession, blocking everything else out. "Moderation" is not a part of my lexicon...

He asked me to quit - we were both going to give it up. He lasted a solid week, then got hit with an awful cold. While he was home sick, he started playing again...

So, here I was, a recovering addict going cold turkey (well, I tried to console myself with another computer game, but it was just as bad, so that got deleted), and my DH was freely partaking in the object of my obsession. We talked, discussed, argued and fought about it. For me, the problem was it was torture to watch him play, and hear him talk with our flatmate about things I so desperately wanted to be a part of. For him, the problem was it wasn't his problem; he wasn't the one who had to concentrate on schoolwork. WoW was his relaxation after a long day at work and 3 hours total on the transit.

For the first week or so, DH would only play when I wasn't around. As soon as I came home he would shut it off. Gradually, the process of logging off when I came home slowed down, and finally ground to a halt. Now, he usually plays from the time he gets home until 1AM. To be fair, it's not 6 hours a night, every night; when he's not playing, he's usually cleaning our apartment (I'm not a good housekeeper), but a good chunk of his time is spent online.

We weren't very social to begin with, but this is just emphasizing that particular peculiarity. I've been trying to regain my life since becoming addicted. What I truly fear, hate, despise, loathe, and have utter contempt for is being asked "So, where's your Husband?" I want to curl up into a little ball and disappear. It's not the friendly "How's your Hubby doing?" which you would expect in light chit-chat which you can casually brush off with "He's doing well, and yours?" Rather, it's demanding and unpleasant. I don't want to answer that. It's the sort of question which emphasizes a situation's awkwardness.

One group I've been spending time with is comprised almost entirely of married couples, with the odd single man scattered about. At least one person asks every week. But it's not like my DH ever went to that particular gathering, either - it's simply expected that married couples go to those types of events together.

At this point I don't know what to do. I haven't been online, or even checked the forums since I agreed to give it up, but I'm rather weak - I still feel the pull. I'm drowning myself in knitting (my current fixation) just to keep from thinking about Warcraft, but it's rather difficult when the computer is in the main area, and Teamspeak is constantly blaring over the speakers.

We were reading through the Book of John, but we haven't opened the Bible together in over a month. We talk about it once and a while, we say we'll get back to it, but by the time we go to bed at night, our eyes are bloodshot and strained. We need God's help.

I know I'm a wee bit strange with my addictive nature, I just wish there was a way to make him understand. High-functioning autism sucks - people just think you're weird.

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1 comment:

Jan said...

We have this in common husband plays (or played) WOW until he started back to school. He has been addicted to computer video games for quite some time. It's rough, and I really don't have any words of advice, but maybe it will help to know you aren't alone? Praying for ya!